The Expendables 3 (2014) – Intolerable Cruelty


There aren’t many movies I’ve regretted watching. Even the uninspiring action movies from the action stars of the 80s and early 90s promised some engaging moments. Lackluster they may be; some were very entertaining. The Expendables was a nostalgic ride for fans of brute action. The second one seemed right, as the Expendables had now turned into a milking cow for the aging actions stars passed their peak. The third one, this one, is just a train wreck. One of the lousiest movies of the year, it’s dreadful and nothing—not one single facet—redeems this movie. It’s downright bad.

Barney Ross (Sly Stallone) is in a mission to wipe out the bad guys again. His old cast seems too emotional and stuck in a period opposable to their leader. He needs to do it without them for the risk is ominous and he doesn’t want to harm his buddies. With that, Ross recruits a younger, livelier crop to take on Stonebanks (Mel Gibson), former ally, now arch nemesis.

It doesn’t sound too bad, does it? It sounds monotonous more than bad, I admit. But once the movie opens, the badness begins. The over the top destruction of locales has become as common as a fly in Hollywood territory. In this case, it goes a notch up with these men destroying people and sceneries just for fun. That’s the purpose of the movie, you may say, so we let it pass. Nonetheless, the purpose from director Patrick Hughes surely wouldn’t have been to execute a horribly scripted, insipid, and chaotic movie that not only breaks the bones of those on the screen, but also triggers headache to those off the screen. Precisely, what the squad of Expendables do to your head.

The whole motive behind this series was paying homage to the action movies of the past. That was fine with the first one, but with this, you just stop caring. The emotions the characters try to force were funny, not moving at all. Watching them joke, argue, or fight with each other gets irritating after about 10 minutes into the movie. I didn’t even care, nor would you. In fact, saying that it fails to capture the fancy would be a compliment here. The screenplay commits the horrendous sin of making you indifferent to the subject. The sad part is that it’s not even remotely entertaining.

If you want to torture somebody, make sure you take them with you to watch the Expendables 3. Beware though, you must have a thick head to tolerate the parody on-screen yourself, whilst have 2 hours to waste watching this pathetic wanna-be bad ass action movie that does nothing but feed the egos of these actions stars, especially Stallone as it seems.

And, did I mention that the movie is racist and sexist too? As if, it could get any worse… Tasteless, plodding, a sham of an action movie, the stuff churned out here is bloody depressing and watching the alleged Kings of Action perform a mockery of their own testosterone-pumping manhood is not what a viewer would pay their hard-earned money for. Avoid, at all costs.


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